Responsibilities, or lack thereof

Hey guys, just have some thoughts I feel like sharing. Lately I’ve been having a hard time with several things (you’ll see what some of those are) – I’ve been up and down emotionally, spiritually, and every other way. But (praise the Lord) things are incredible now!

I think what helped me the most in all of this was coming to grips with my pride. It's something I've always struggled with, but until now I didn't realize just how bad things had gotten. It's taken over my thought life, my speech, my attitudes, my opinions, even my emotions!! This past Saturday afternoon I talked with a friend of my dad’s about several things, and it really helped me out. I already listed them in another email, so I'll just copy/paste it....

1. We should take every opportunity to let people know we are Christians. This does not necessarily involve saying "Hey guys, I'm a Christian, and if you're not you should be!" as much as living a Christlike life. As my dad’s friend put it, "when you are real, people know it and even though it may seem people don't listen, when the chips are down and people are in trouble, they'll remember you and trust you and turn to you." I'm excited because I've seen this in my own life. There are people who know I'm a Christian, and I've never once told them that I am. I'd like to think that they know through my actions and speech; my attitude. However, lately this has been something I’ve forgotten about. I haven’t been concerned about the opinions people here have of me, because of course they know I’m a Christian! I’m a missionary, right? But the point isn’t them knowing whether or not I’m a believer, the point is them seeing that I’m living for Christ. – On a side note, this was also Pastor Florie's sermon on Sunday – another confirmation that the Lord wanted me to remember this!! I've been reminded lately of 1 Timothy 4:12, and that in order to bring change to the people here (who are believers), the most important thing to be doing is living for God. This goes along with point number 2.....
2. We are in no way responsible for changing people's hearts; for converting them. Only God can do that. We are, however, His ambassadors (see 2 Cor. 5:11-21), called only to "act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8). Through fearing the Lord and doing what He has asked – commanded – us to do, we'll persuade people to do the same (2 Cor. 5:11). God does these things THROUGH us. We do nothing FOR Him.
3. God is a God of relationship... This is a common theme throughout Scripture. These relationships include: God in relationship with Himself, God in relationship with Creation, God in relationship with man, man in relationship with man, man in relationship with God.
4. (This kind of goes with #3) God is our model for literally everything. Such an obvious "point," but something I personally often forget.

I had really been struggling with #2 – not in the sense that I feel responsible for converting people, but that I sometimes feel responsible for the choices, lifestyles, and mindsets of other people – especially now that I'm over here. It's like I want so badly to help the youth group here, and sometimes I forget that I will never truly be able to make them draw nearer to the Lord. That's between Him and them. It’s so nice to know that.

Also, my desire to spend time with the Lord has been renewed! Rather than dutifully pulling out my Bible and reading one chapter a day, I get so caught up in what I'm reading that I don't want to stop!! I'm reading through 1 and 2 Samuel right now – books I don't think I've ever read straight through – and loving it. I'm learning a lot and I'm so excited to be so excited. It's great, because even though there have been "slow times," I'm learning to spend those times with the Lord, rather than spending them sulking.

Thanks for your prayers and encouraging words!! I feel so blessed by all of you.

love,k

Pen and paper. Or, in this case, keyboard and monitor.

I've always loved writing. When I was a kid, I spent lots of time on the computer (remember, we are in an age of technology!) or in notebooks writing stories and keeping journals. I've never really gotten bummed out about writing assignments in school, no matter how boring or exasperating they may seem to other people. To me, writing is a privilege, no matter what I'm writing about.

Despite how much I love writing, I often leave things incomplete (unless their completion is required). I've started so many stories, but most of them have stopped because I wasn't happy with the way the story was going. Rather than backtracking and fixing certain elements, I abandoned the story altogether. I'd rather start from scratch than go back over and edit the whole thing. It's not a big deal to me, because those unfinished stories are mine - they're not for no one else; no one is counting on their completion. Same thing with journal writing. I've never been good at writing regularly, not for longer than two months anyway. As with my stories, I've come to the realization that this doesn't matter because no one reads my journals. I write when I have something to say, and don't waste ink or paper when I don't. (Although.. Some may argue that this is a bad thing, because I've gotten in the habit of leaving things incomplete. I don't know. I really only see this pattern of not finishing what I've started in my writing.)

The only problem is -- with a blog, there are people reading. There are people out there wanting to read the things I write, wanting to hear what's going on. My apologies. :( I'm really going to try harder.

Several things have been going on in my life lately that I've allowed to distract me -- from spending time with the Lord, from getting work done (college, my classes, etc.), and from writing to you guys. At first I didn't realize it, but now I can see what's been happening and I'm asking the Lord to help me get back on track. Hopefully you'll be hearing from me more often. I'd like to be able to write more than "this is what I've been up to lately," but because my posts are so spread out, that's all they consist of. If you're keeping up with this blog and notice that I'm not posting, say something! I do love writing in here, but sometimes I don't think about it.

love you all,k

P.S. Sem break is over. I'm back in my English class and down to two students -- one (Minerva) is taking a one-semester break (she was ahead by one sem) and the other (Ruth) transferred. I think it's a blessing in disguise, because I'll be getting closer to these two girls (Cheryl-Lai and Baby Rose). Also, tonight is the service for the CMMP-CMBI 12th anniversary. My ballet students are performing, SAVERS are doing a few things, and I'm singing! I'm excited.