Planting seeds

Most of the people I interact with here aren’t that big on the prophetic, or “words from the Lord,” or visions and dreams, or any of that stuff. It’s not that they don’t believe in it. They do, at least as far as I know. They just don’t do it. They don’t mind it being done, but they’re not going to be the ones doing it, if that makes sense. 

So, when the Lord told me something I was supposed to share with the praise and worship team, I got scared. It’s not the first time He’s given me a word for someone (or in this case, a group of someones), but in the past I’ve been able to predict how that person would respond. This time, I had no clue. Would they listen to me? Would they freak out and think I was coming up with all of this on my own? Would they nod and smile but not take any of it into account? I didn’t know. So I just came up with excuses and made myself forget.

This week, my mom asked me about it. I felt so ashamed for not telling them about it that I got angry and just wanted to forget it. But as I prayed about it, the Lord gave me even more things to say and continued pushing me towards talking to them. So I did. And I think what I said stirred up at least a few of their hearts. 

I won’t go into too much detail about this, but I want to share some with you because I’d love for you to join with me in prayer for this group. 

Legs swinging beneath the table and palms sweating, I told the worship team what God told me: "I miss you."

Just as I miss hanging out with my friends and family, I said, He misses hanging out with them. And – I think this is something a lot of people don’t get – that doesn’t just mean prayer and time in the Word or in worship. Of course, those are great things, but it’s also important to go and sit at the feet of Jesus. I shared with them how how every second of every day I have to ask God to rip out of me everything that displeases Him – and still, I make Him sad at times. It's an everyday struggle. Before we can worship, before we can pray and before we can understand God's Word, we need to let Him clean us out. We need to find that quiet place and just be with Him.

Like I said, I wasn’t sure how they’d react, if at all. But they did! Our music pastor came up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me. About half an hour later, as I was sitting in the street talking (my nightly ritual) two of the guys on the team came up to talk to me about it. I was able to share with them more personal stuff relating to this and get feedback from them. One told me that he felt sad as he heard me share, because he sees how true it all is.

I believe – I know – that the members of the worship team here are Christians. But I also believe that several of them have lost that pure, innocent relationship with God. The one where He’s all that matters, where you desire to be in His presence 24/7, not just during services or special events.

So pray for them.

love,k

Dry spell that lasts a lifetime?

A close friend of mine (here in the Philippines)'s sister had a baby on Monday. Today I spent some time at their house visiting both mother and baby, both of whom are truly beautiful. It was possibly the highlight of my week! Babies are so perfect and innocent. Even their skin is flawless, something that I suppose won't last too long....

I can't help but be saddened by the situation, though. This young mother is not married and has not yet finished college. She lives with her boyfriend but I am unaware of their exact circumstances. Of course, this is not uncommon, even in the church (sadly enough). However, today I was reminded of how much confusion there is among the young people here. I realize that this is a worldwide problem, and one not only found in teenagers, but my heart continues to go out to this specific group of kids. None of them are "bad," so to speak. They are respectful most of the time, they work hard to help their parents and those around them, and most of them are pursuing or have already received a college education. They know Bible verses, they come to Sunday services, and they love the Lord. But it's all kind of routine; they're just going through the motions, and frankly, things are quite dry.

They kind of remind me of myself -- before.

Before I fell in love with the Lord. Before I knew what it was like to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Before I finally decided to give myself completely to Him. Before my relationship with Him became real to me.

The things I have now, the gifts and experiences that God has given me, are what I want for these kids. I don't want to see them in a lifelong dry spell. I don't think they even know what they're missing! I sometimes wonder if even the Bible students know what it feels like to be desperately in love with the Lord, so much that I can't even describe it. I hope they do, but I don't know.

Tonight as I was praying during our youth service, I was reminded (for probably the millionth time) that I really can't do anything about this. I can't make these kids change. I can't bring them experiences. The only way I can help them is by doing these things myself -- by showing them. This is a lesson I always seem to forget, but the Lord continues to remind me.

I don't know why I feel compelled to write a blog about this, because I know I wrote a similar one a while back. But nonetheless, here I am again. Pray for me?

love,k

Responsibilities, or lack thereof

Hey guys, just have some thoughts I feel like sharing. Lately I’ve been having a hard time with several things (you’ll see what some of those are) – I’ve been up and down emotionally, spiritually, and every other way. But (praise the Lord) things are incredible now!

I think what helped me the most in all of this was coming to grips with my pride. It's something I've always struggled with, but until now I didn't realize just how bad things had gotten. It's taken over my thought life, my speech, my attitudes, my opinions, even my emotions!! This past Saturday afternoon I talked with a friend of my dad’s about several things, and it really helped me out. I already listed them in another email, so I'll just copy/paste it....

1. We should take every opportunity to let people know we are Christians. This does not necessarily involve saying "Hey guys, I'm a Christian, and if you're not you should be!" as much as living a Christlike life. As my dad’s friend put it, "when you are real, people know it and even though it may seem people don't listen, when the chips are down and people are in trouble, they'll remember you and trust you and turn to you." I'm excited because I've seen this in my own life. There are people who know I'm a Christian, and I've never once told them that I am. I'd like to think that they know through my actions and speech; my attitude. However, lately this has been something I’ve forgotten about. I haven’t been concerned about the opinions people here have of me, because of course they know I’m a Christian! I’m a missionary, right? But the point isn’t them knowing whether or not I’m a believer, the point is them seeing that I’m living for Christ. – On a side note, this was also Pastor Florie's sermon on Sunday – another confirmation that the Lord wanted me to remember this!! I've been reminded lately of 1 Timothy 4:12, and that in order to bring change to the people here (who are believers), the most important thing to be doing is living for God. This goes along with point number 2.....
2. We are in no way responsible for changing people's hearts; for converting them. Only God can do that. We are, however, His ambassadors (see 2 Cor. 5:11-21), called only to "act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8). Through fearing the Lord and doing what He has asked – commanded – us to do, we'll persuade people to do the same (2 Cor. 5:11). God does these things THROUGH us. We do nothing FOR Him.
3. God is a God of relationship... This is a common theme throughout Scripture. These relationships include: God in relationship with Himself, God in relationship with Creation, God in relationship with man, man in relationship with man, man in relationship with God.
4. (This kind of goes with #3) God is our model for literally everything. Such an obvious "point," but something I personally often forget.

I had really been struggling with #2 – not in the sense that I feel responsible for converting people, but that I sometimes feel responsible for the choices, lifestyles, and mindsets of other people – especially now that I'm over here. It's like I want so badly to help the youth group here, and sometimes I forget that I will never truly be able to make them draw nearer to the Lord. That's between Him and them. It’s so nice to know that.

Also, my desire to spend time with the Lord has been renewed! Rather than dutifully pulling out my Bible and reading one chapter a day, I get so caught up in what I'm reading that I don't want to stop!! I'm reading through 1 and 2 Samuel right now – books I don't think I've ever read straight through – and loving it. I'm learning a lot and I'm so excited to be so excited. It's great, because even though there have been "slow times," I'm learning to spend those times with the Lord, rather than spending them sulking.

Thanks for your prayers and encouraging words!! I feel so blessed by all of you.

love,k

Busy, busy, busy.

Hey all, sorry for not having written lately -- I've been busy!! (Believe it or not...)

We've been really busy lately preparing for the anniversary. Things are kind of chaotic with the SAVERS -- not enough times to practice, people don't show up for practice, everyone is late to practice, etc. It seems like everyone (with a few exceptions) is in the mindset of "Oh, we have plenty of time to prepare, it's no big deal" when in reality we don't have plenty of time. We probably won't be able to fit in practices next week at all, and if we do they won't be able to last very long (because we have services every night that week!). I know everything will work out, but for now it's kind of stressful. I'm also still teaching my ballet class and working with FGCC's Sunday school students on a song to perform at the anniversary. And, of course, traveling two days a week to Balacad Elem School to teach music -- they're improving, and I'm having a blast!! :)

In addition to all our practices, I am busy transferring all of our song lyrics onto a laptop so we can use an LCD projector (we just bought one; beforehand we'd been using an overhead projector) at the anniversary. There are hundreds of songs and I have a short time to get it all done -- luckily it's easy work.

Finally, in the weeks leading up to the anniversary lots of drama has been unfolding -- slight division and conflicting ideas among the SAVERS, trouble with pastors, etc. I'd rather not give details, but keep Pastor Florie (and everyone else here!) in your prayers, because she is feeling discouraged about it all. Also pray for the event as a whole (the anniversary).

all my love,k

P.S. There has been some trouble with planning our SAVERS trip to Mancayan -- conflicting dates, etc. Also, one of my worries is that several people will not be able/allowed to travel with us, and will have to be replaced -- after the anniversary we'll only have between 1 and 2 weeks to prepare. Sometimes it seems like things are so slow, but right now it's like they'll never slow down!!! Please pray about all of that as well.

Kaitlyn, shy? No!

Well, the performance went really well!! My friend Raquel told me that the people's reaction was stronger than some in the past -- some told her that they were brought to tears, especially by our human video "I Pledge." Overall, Friday was a really great night. I had a fun time hanging out with the SAVERS and I'm relieved that everything went smoothly.

To the right is a picture of me just before my "death." That's Nicko holding the gun.

Last week I was feeling a little blue -- I was discouraged, because although I am forming relationships here, none of them are really that "deep." Sometimes I feel like no one here really knows me. When I'm having a bad day, or missing home, or anything - I don't really know who to talk to. I was able to talk to someone about all of this though, and he reminded me that building deeper relationships takes time. He said to try and understand that it is just as hard for them as it is for me. I feel blessed to have made friends here, but please pray that I'll continue to *really* get to know the people here, especially the kids my age. Things have gotten better though, and I don't feel as discouraged -- I've been getting better about truly being myself around these people. Sometimes I think I seem shy and quiet to the people here -- but those of you who know me well know that I'm usually NOT! (In fact, sometimes it is hard for my family to get a word in at the dinner table!) The other night I finally decided to stop worrying about having anyone to talk to, or people thinking I was crazy. I was myself -- laughing, smiling, talking, dancing -- and it felt great! I found that when I acted more like myself, more people talked to me, too. So I'm going to keep working on that. :]

The "Still" dance is coming along - we know it all, just have to perfect it - and we finished learning our new hand mime!! The anniversary and Servantes/Mancayan trip are coming up quickly though, so we're trying to fit in as many practices as we can.

Finally finished teaching parts of speech to my English students, and we're going to move on -- I'm going to have them read C.S. Lewis' book "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." That should be fun and will definitely be a nice change. I haven't been going to the elementary school lately due to vehicle issues - but today will finally be going again. I hope to teach them another song -- hopefully they remember the last one I taught!!

love,k